A short reflection on amazement


I was trying to remember what piece of information I heard yesterday as I was being shown around a monastery in Korea. It took time to come back but I remembered saying at the time ‘amazing’.

We used to say ‘interesting’, then ‘very interesting’, then ‘amazing’, and now, at least in cool circles, or circles trying to be cool, ‘awesome’. An American waiter will routinely say ‘awesome’ when you give your order. This inflation has diminishing returns on the capital sum of experience. How quickly we forget or become bored with what we spend all our resources on praising to the heights. The value of the currency of language tumbles.

In the same way, marketing – whether of new devices, snack food or books – starts off at the astral level of praise. A book is acclaimed as the ‘definitive’ work on the topic for a decade – or ever. After twenty pages you see the signs of a few ideas being repeated according to the publisher’s orthodoxy of the rules for a best seller. (Maybe we ought to be allowed to rent books and claim our money back if duped in this way).

The truly amazing and awesome things – which make up the real interest of life – lie beneath this glittering surface of success and acclaim. If we cannot penetrate the mystery of failure and face the fear of repetition and boredom that accompany perseverance in anything, we condemn ourselves, to the underworld, which for us means constantly skimming the surface of reality.

It is time then, if we are awake, to reduce our expectations, our consumer craving and demands, so that we can start the journey below the surface. First we we will be sincerely interested and our attention is engaged. Then we commit and become very interested. Then we are amazed and eventually lost in awe, in wonder at what is emerging and enfolding us.


Jean Vanier

Jean Vanier during the John Main Seminar 2016 at Trosly

With a heavy heart the world is facing the reality of Jean’s absence. At first it seems a lonelier place as we feel the desperate need for a spirit, as civilised and humane like his in our so often brutal world. But to have the heart touched even in this painful way is to be more awakened to our human capacity for love and wisdom. Across decades and continents, his life, words and actions and his way of looking at you, seeing you, achieved this awakening. So, sadness, yes, but also the beginning of resurrection in a sense of thankfulness. Because such a gift cannot die.

In a world dazzled and deluded by materialism and mechanicalism Jean’s genius was to show the unconquerable power of weakness, where the sacred really resides; not in pomp and celebrity but in the ground where we meet each other in truth and humility. Like Jesus his master, he spoke with authority, accurately seeing all the forces at work in people and situations but restraining judgement. To see everything without judging is the benchmark of holiness – as with God so with us.

The lodestar of Jean’s life was the simple acknowledgement, taught him by the most vulnerable members of any society, of the need to love and to be loved. To forget that, he realised, is to diminish our humanity. This is therefore our greatest vulnerability and our greatest strength in daily life and throughout our lifetime. We never lose this need – as with us so with God.

On Tuesday  morning at our daily meeting, I shared the sad news of Jean’s passing with our new community forming here at Bonnevaux. We took a time for silence before resuming. As I walked outside in the fresh morning air under a clear spring sky I sensed how Jean’s spirit, was now released from the mortality which had taught him about God. And I thought with a surge of confidence stronger than loneliness, that it would soar. It will grow in the space prepared but still not filled by the spirit of Jesus, his lifelong master and friend.

I was always struck by Jean’s intense emotional sensitivity and his lack of sentimentality; by the way he prioritised the human but recognised the need for structure. He advised and accompanied our community worldwide for thirty years and contributed not only his wisdom and care but a practical genius for organisation. When I asked him

if he thought that we should proceed with our new international centre he replied he was sure we should. I said ‘France?’ and he said ‘yes’. Then he added ‘make sure it’s beautiful’.

In 2016 Jean led his second John Main Seminar from Trosly. Here at Bonnevaux we are going to listen again to his talks online. I was moved then by his insight in merging the vision of l’Arche and of the World Community. From the wisdom of l’Arche he saw that meditation, too, is not about self-sufficiency but inter-dependence, not about being superhuman but fully human. I pray that our two communities, complementary ways of manifesting the human capacity for love and simple kindness, will continue to be guided and grow closer through his spirit now expanding around us.



Laurence Freeman OSB


Easter Sunday: Luke 24:13-35

The Easter Tree, Bonnevaux

He comes to us hidden; salvation consists in our recognising him (Simone Weil)

It has been a long road from Ash Wednesday to the morning of the Resurrection. It is not finished yet. Anything we have missed we will revisit as many times as necessary until we recognise it. But, from now on the road is bathed in his light. Above all, there is nothing more to fear.

Our invitation to die is also one to rise to new life, to community, to communion, to a full life without fear. I suppose it would be difficult to estimate what it is people fear most – death or resurrection. But in meditation we lose all our fear, because we realize that death is death to fear and resurrection is rising to new life.


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Holy Saturday: From a second century homily


Something strange is happening – there is a great silence on earth today, a great silence and stillness. The whole earth keeps silence 

Death is a hard teacher. But a good one. It seems at first  like the great enemy – as the great teachers always do. Yet, when we have learned from it, it becomes our friend. In the Katha Upanishad the boy Nachiketas is resolved to find the meaning of truth and knows that he must penetrate and question death if he is to succeed. Leaving his home and family he starts his quest across the threshold of the known world. Every wisdom tradition recognises the importance of remembering that we will die and reminds us that resisting the temptation to forget – however understandable it is – is to deny reality.

Today, Holy Saturday is the day after. We can no longer deny it. Facing this, we also learn the meaning of silence. Nothing is more silent than death. Not only is death silent, but to become silent is to die – to our self. The only way we can approach the dimension of the divine is through the silence of all our faculties. There is no observation platform for the ego to take refuge on, to say ‘how silent it is here’. What it is like to be dead, the living can never know. We glimpse, with some degree of fear, that our body is not private property.

To live with this uncertainty makes contemplation unavoidable. Otherwise we construct false certainties and securities that rob life of its dignity and joy. In meditation, the work of silence, all our ideas about God become obsolete. God dies – as modern secular society well knows. Yet God survives his own death. It is not God who dies but our most precious images of God.

However painful may be the abyss of absence in death, if we embrace silence, we learn that neither death nor silence is negation or an evacuation of meaning. It is emptiness, which is simultaneously utter fullness: the poverty of spirit that makes us full citizens of the reign of God.

Silence says nothing. It has no message except itself. Silence grows through all dimensions of reality. The silence of the body happens not through oppressing or humiliating it but through the discipline of moderation and love. The body has a million things in operation at the same time. Unless we are sick, we are not and do not need to be aware of them all. But it’s more difficult to meditate and do the work of silence when you have toothache or a runny nose. The silence of the mind is also achieved not through force but the repeated gentleness of training our attention – setting our mind on God’s kingdom. Not the idea or image of the kingdom but the kingdom which is silent. More even, which is silence.

Everything, including language and imagination, proceed from silence. To live and truly seek, we need to return frequently to the work of silence until it becomes like our biological operations a blessed natural rhythm we don’t need to think about. Jesus dives into the deepest mind of the cosmos and explores every corner of human nature and history. He touches the singular point of origin and simplicity, which science believes in but cannot find.  Holy Saturday is the feast of the universal stillness at the heart of reality. When our mind opens to learn this, it does not become silent. It becomes silence: beyond all thoughts, words and images. It is the great liberation. 

As silence, in silence we wait for the great event that manifests the life of love from which everything that is has come and to which it returns.

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Good Friday: Is 52:13

Jesus Passions by Theophanes the Cretan (1490–1559)

One of the guards standing by gave Jesus a slap in the face, saying, Is that the way to answer the high priest? Jesus replied, If there is something wrong in what I said, point it out; but if there is no offence in it, why do you strike me?

The account of the Passion of Christ stands as one of the greatest texts of all time that reflects the depth of human meaning. It is utterly personal – the innocent, falsely charged individual, scapegoated and treated inhumanely, tortured and barbarically executed. It is an old story showing the worst side of humanity’s use of power of each other; and it is happening as I write, and you read this. Each case, however, is unique. The very particularity of each is what reveals the universal meaning and with meaning – the sense of connection – there is paradoxically always hope.

Good Friday expands the human sense of the spiritual dimension. It brings us to the side of the scapegoat so that the mechanism by which we blame others, and make them suffer for us, is exposed. The secret of how power works is outed. We see the world as it is. Violence is irrational. When Jesus responds to the guard who strikes him, we see reason disempowering the facades of violence. We don’t know the guard’s response. The only real response is to admit the self-deception behind such violence. Unable to admit this, he probably slapped Jesus again.

There is another dimension of meaning, even more transformative than the exposing of our addiction to violence. It concerns the meaning of suffering. In Santideva’s ‘A Guide to the Bodhisattva Way of Life’, a Buddhist classic dating from the 8th century after Christ we see how this meaning became universalised. A bodhisattva is a human being who devotes their whole being to the well-being of humanity, to relieve suffering everywhere. The Dalai Lama comments on this text that when a great bodhistava suffers they generate no negativity.

The Gospel goes further when it brings us the last words of Jesus on the cross: ‘Father forgive them for they know not what they do.’ Not only does the Cross generate no negativity. It generates boundless wisdom and compassion. If Jesus had said ‘I forgive them…’ it would have been weaker because of its individuality. Instead, he called forth forgiveness from the ground of being on which he – and his tormentors and those who betrayed him – all stood. This is not a judicial reprieve, a mere act of clemency. It comes from insight into the cause, the ignorance and lack of self-awareness, of those responsible. In an instant we see the meaning of forgiveness, towards ourselves and others.

The death of Jesus generates a wave of enlightened love that washes across all dimensions of reality, all times and spaces. Whether recognised or not, his suffering touches us all. It exposes our human faults but without blame or guilt. It does this by revealing our essential goodness and potential. That is why in the ancient cloister of Bonnevaux this afternoon we will chose to come forward, bow before the cross and kiss it.

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Holy Thursday: John 13:1-15

Giotto di Bondone (–1337)

He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, ‘Lord, are you going to wash my feet?

In St John’s account of the Last Supper there is more emphasis on the washing of the feet than on the bread and wine. But both points of view focus on the body.

To understand how central the human body is to the meaning of Easter – indeed to the essence of Christianity – we need to think of our own body. Thinking of our body usually has two options. One is, how attractive or unattractive I feel myself to be physically. There is a brief, even gloriously immortal, period in life when we (never with a hundred percent certainty) realise that we are young, fit and may even be actually competitive with other bodies in the market place. There are a few among our contemporaries who are gloriously certain of this for a time. If they were in a slave market in ancient Rome, they would be the most popular item for sale. This – hopefully – is only a minor key in our self-estimation; and for most of us it is subdued. But for a certain period of time we may be confident about our physical being. Increasingly, today, however, and tragically, young people feel alienated from their own bodies, as self-harming and eating disorders show.

The other option comes later, when we think of our bodies, not as being attractive or unappealing, but in terms of performance or survival. When our bodies become medicalised – and trapped in a dualistic medical system of tests and experiments – ‘my body’ becomes alienated from the person who says ‘my’ or ‘mine’. In fact, every use of the possessive pronoun suggests a degree of alienation from any true relationship. What can we ever say, for sure, is really ‘mine’ or ‘yours?

At some point – as when we are being cared for in hospital, or when we sell oneself on the streets – somebody else may even own it. When Jesus says, ‘this is my body’, however, he owns his own body. That means, not ‘possesses’ but that he is his body. How else, except with this degree of self-incorporation, could he give it to others – give himself as an embodied being? He is fully embodied and accepts this incarnational truth of himself, regardless of what his body may look like or how well it may be performing. It is not possessed and managed by specialists and insurance companies. Only in that state, when we enjoy bodily freedom, without our bodies being possessed by others – whether for medical treatment or for the pleasure of others – can we say, ‘this is my body. For some people, in the middle ages or today, the words of consecration ‘hoc est corpus meum’ are words of power and include the deepest meaning of the community in which they are spoken.

For others, these words may be merely remnants of a magical past. The truth is found in between, in the web of relationships that make up the body. We all, uniquely, belong to a greater body than our private body which shrinks and withers in its individuality. The other body dies but is raised in its uniqueness, to a new and greater intensity of life. For those who have the taste of the Eucharist this is something we can share day by day. Even for those who don’t have this connection, meditation gives access to it.

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Wednesday Holy Week: Matthew: 26:14-25


The Son of Man is going to his fate, as the scriptures say he will

The great wisdom traditions hold deep, universal secrets about the nature of reality. But they are not as explicit as we, as literal-minded, scientifically trained people, would like. Our experience in the spiritual dimension today has been greatly impoverished and so we have almost lost the art of reading the ancient scriptures of any tradition. As a result, the modern phenomenon of religious fundamentalism has developed and the unifying awareness of a universal truth expressed in universal symbols has been undermined. Whoever wrote the account of creation in the Book of Genesis might well be astounded today by the 42% of Americans who reject belief in evolution and think that it all happened in six days. God’s ‘word’ for them has become linguistic rather than existential.

By reading the scriptures of his tradition in the light of his own experience, Jesus was able to understand and express himself with unique authority and depth of meaning. This began a chain reaction which eventually became a new tradition. From the Christian reflection on scripture, in the light of the unprecedented experience of the Resurrection, came the ‘new testament’. These short texts of four gospels and the letters from teachers in the early communities themselves became a scripture of primary experience. They emerged directly from a deep and fresh spiritual experience, not fully understood, but which became a perennial inspiration for mystics, theologians and artists.

What emerged is something uniquely characteristic of Christian consciousness, awakened by contact with the crucified and risen Christ. Firstly, it concerns the reality of the person who asks us ‘who do you say I am?’ – a question that can only be authentically answered from the frame of our own self-knowledge. Secondly, or at the same time, it concerns an understanding of God as Trinity, a three-way communion. Jesus speaks of the Father as his source and goal and he proclaimed his non-dual unity with it. But he also speaks of the Spirit whom he will send to continue and to guide the development of his teaching, the Holy Spirit who is the real successor of Jesus.

Yet trinity has long been an intuition of the human mind in its seeking of God and ultimate reality. Whether this is because the mind, reflecting its source, is structured in this way – we think in threes – or the other way round – has to be an open question. But it is more than coincidental that ancient Egyptians, the Vedas, the Indian tradition of sat-cit-ananda (being, consciousness, bliss); the three manifestations of Buddha; the Greek philosophical idea of humanity (intellect, soul, the body of the world); Lao Tze (non-being, eternal being and the great oneness that produce the ten thousand things multiplicity of the world); that all these and Christianity’s vision of God as Father, Son and Spirit, speak of ultimate mystery in this three-dimensional way.

We encounter this truth within ourselves – the ‘immanent trinity’ that lives the exploding life of its love within the human heart. But we also meet this interior reality in what theologians call the ‘economic trinity’- in the external processes and events of daily life, provided we have learned how to see them. ‘When you make the two into one then you will enter the kingdom,’ says the Gospel of doubting Thomas. What makes the two into one is the three. This is not theory. It is life.

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